General Marius’ Down Home Roman BBQ
By Dwip October 21, 2004, 2:50 pm Comments (7) RSS Feed for this post

Well, I finally got RTW screenshots to work. By downloading a third party program to do them with. Bah. But at least I can finally show off some stuff.

I talked in my last post about trying out Pharaoh’s gear, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m not sure what I think yet, but then, I haven’t got to see it in action, much. The Seleucids just fell over and died, pretty much, and Egypt has this simply monster econ that isn’t made any worse by taking over the rich Seleucid lands. I don’t seem to be winning a whole lot of the fights I do have, but I haven’t been in many and haven’t quite figured out the tactics yet. So we’ll see.

But here is what the homeland of Pharaoh looks like these days, minus Thebes. On the other map, the yellow is me (I own Crete too, just ’cause), grey is the Seleucids, purple is my good buddies the Parthians, the blue-grey west of me is Numidia, the blue north of me is Pontus, the black is Macedon, and there’s some grey you can’t really see that’s Greek cities. The green/red/blue/purple over by Rome is, well, Romans of various sorts. The big red blob up top is Germania, and there’s some green below it that’s Gaul.

There’s a nifty feature wherein you can zoom in to see what your cities look like on the battle map, plus see your citizens walking around and stuff. So here is the palace of mighty Pharaoh, may he live forever, in Memphis, as seen from the great plaza. Note my cronish hag female citizen down there. Citizens are scary looking. As I told Whir about my Roman citizens, “the women look like men, and the men look like some sort of cross between Nazis and the Beatles.” That having been said, here is a shot of more of Memphis.

And for sheer randomness’ sake, I was chasing down the Seleucid heir to assassinate him with some Bedouin mercs, and apparently his guys were so scared, they lept in the river. And you can drown in rivers.

And here are a few charging across the desert.

Now, as I like to do from time to time, I’m going to talk about flaming stuff again. Except this time, I have screenshots. So as an illustration of all this flaming onager stuff I keep talking about, I set up a simulation of what a typical battle in the civil war in my Julii game might’ve looked like. I got my usual 4/4/2/2 Legionary Cohort/Archer Auxilia/Roman Cav/Onager army, with typical weapon upgrades, and the Brutii got a typical AI Roman army of mostly heavy infantry with a few skirmishers and a general’s cav bodyguard.

here is my army neatly drawn up. Legionary cohorts to the front, archers to the rear, then onagers with cav to the flanks.

And here is the Brutii horde, from the point of view of the flaming onager projectile heading straight for them. Which then did some damage when it landed.

That having been done, the archers started opening up, which combined with some more onager hits caused disarray in the Brutii lines.

You have to be careful, though. Sometimes your onagers can start shooting too low, causing friendly fire casualties. Yes, that’s my general, all nicely zoomed in. You can thank the game for that – it automatically zooms in if a general dies on either side.

Nevertheless, the massed fire pretty much broke up the Brutii force, and after a brief hand to hand melee, the surviving Brutii routed, and my cav chased them down and took scalps.

So here is the victory screen, and here is a detailed casualty breakdown. Note that since the game doesn’t count friendly fire casualties, you have to figure it for yourself, in which case 21 of my casualties were from friendly fire.

All in all, I played a bit sloppily, but that’s about how an average battle in the civil wars could play out.

Computer Games - Total War Series Comments (7) RSS Feed for this post
Comments on General Marius’ Down Home Roman BBQ
avatar Comment by Regina #1
October 21, 2004 at 6:30 pm

See, this is why I can’t buy this game. Because assuming I could master the warfare bit (which I never really did in AoK), you would have to pry me off the computer.

So I shall read Suetonius instead, because he rocks.

avatar Comment by Rachael #2
October 22, 2004 at 1:01 am

That don’t look nothing like Memphis, yo.

avatar Comment by Rachael #3
October 22, 2004 at 2:11 pm

And I have a question for you, oh silly lover of U2.

On this song they’ve got on the radio now, right at the very beginning, when they’re counting in spanish (and what sounds kind of like french), why do they go 1… 2… 3… 14?

Did they do it on purpose, in a ‘We’re too cool for sequential numbers’ kind of way, or do they really think that ‘catorce’ is 4?

avatar Comment by Dwip #4
October 22, 2004 at 6:17 pm

Beats me. Haven’t heard the song yet.

avatar Comment by Whir #5
October 23, 2004 at 5:31 am

Tim says it’s cool, I might have mentioned. I haven’t heard it yet either. Apparently they’re using it for an iTunes commercial. Why, Bono, why?

avatar Comment by Rachael #6
October 23, 2004 at 2:39 pm

Vertigo, I think, is the name. I don’t really care for U2, though. Except their old stuff. And ‘Elevation’ was a good song for careening through quiet little residential districts in the middle of the night when you’re drunk and/or high.

avatar Comment by Dwip #7
October 25, 2004 at 4:25 am

Well, having heard Vertigo now, I dunno about the catorce thing. I thought Bono spoke Spanish better than that, but maybe not.

But it’s a cool song, after you get past the War/Zoo Station/Beautiful Day/Offspring mishmash. OTOH, I saw what I assume is the video or something (it was on mute), and Gawd was it awful.

Anyway. Be out already, album.