Today In History
By Dwip January 19, 2006, 9:09 pm Comments (8) RSS Feed for this post

Wherein the non-MUD types, which I realize is most of you, flee in terror. However, I realized something the other day. I’ve been doing this, more or less, for about ten years this week. A long time ago, on a MUD far, far away, a certain dwarven warrior, who we shall call Dwip, began randomly jumping through portals in GD. Of the ones I remember, I definitely got killed by sahuagin in sea elves (an area where you take groups of level 50s) at least twice, drowned to death (probably in sea elves) at least once, and for the longest time thought the Gypsy encampment was next to Gwynned Dyr (it’s on the other side of the world). Those were the days.

A won’t bore you all with the full recitation, because I did it all already here, but among other things, this means I’ve known Samson for 10 years, Cam for 10 years, and Whir for 10 years very shortly now. I’m pretty sure that makes them my oldest friends outside of maybe Cole, and Jason, who I’ve known for more like 20 years (which in and of itself is somewhat mind-boggling).

So let’s instead bore you with a few of the things I referenced in that last post, such as, for instance, our sense of humor. Which as I was telling Samson just now, is along the lines of “Seriously, guys? You’d be absolutely astonished at the shit you can come up with at 3am with too much caffeine. Astonished.”

Because, yes, I WAS that guy who spent his entire senior year in HS sleeping 4 hours a night, going to school, napping for an hour, then doing MUD stuff the rest of the time.

1. This, I think, sums everything I wanted to talk about up quite nicely:

Samson’s Moongate Chamber Vnum 1203
[Exits: North East South->(Closed) West Down->(Closed) Somewhere]
*snip room desc, which is a marvel of textual design, with plenty of lookable items and such, but not what we’re here to see*
(Invis 101) Samson the Supreme Iguanadon [The Cartographers’ Guild] is here before you.
(Translucent) Krusty is sitting here.
(PROTO) A straw effigy of the implementor shambles around, waiting to die
A giant rabbit is here, dressed in a superhero costume.
SuperRabbit glows with an aura of divine radiance.
SuperRabbit is engulfed within a blaze of mystical flame.
A Squirrel Alien is sitting here.
Dwip’s Pet Rabbit is sitting here.
Dwip’s Pet Rabbit shimmers beneath an aura of dark energy.
A Lesbian Puking Sheep is sitting here.

Samson says ‘We are truly sick.’
You say ‘I blame Cam.’
Samson says ‘Yes. It’s all Cam’s fault.’

Where do we start, here. The Cartographer’s Guild has been well-established, I think. Wherein Shard’s areas were mapped, adventures were had, and we became some of the most famous people on all of Shard, and probably some of the richest. Definitely we knew things about lots of areas that almost nobody else did.

Krusty was Samson’s pet iguana, who is since deceased (hence the translucence). This partially explains the Supreme Iguanadon thing, too, but we’ll come back there.

The implementor effigy is the infamous 666 effigy, named because its vnum (a sort of serial number, if you will) is 666. We used to slay it a lot back in the day, because you couldn’t use the slay command on people who were higher level than you, meaning Samson couldn’t be slain. We had a lot of slay wars back in the day. And some assassinate wars, because it got changed so you couldn’t slay people of your own level, either. Which is why I have a Zmud trigger in the form of (Pattern: Whir wields) (Value: assassinate whir), which would repeatedly slay Whir every time he died, teleported back to the room, got his corpse, and wore his stuff. I’m a real bastard sometimes like that.

What does a slay look like, you ask? Well, there are a few ways:

die         die
die          die
diediediedie  die
die       die  die        die
die       die   die       die
die       die    die      die
die die die       die    die
die    die         die  die
die           diedie      die
die              die     die  die
die              diedie          die
die               die   die         die
die       diediediedie
(The deed is done.)
Peanut screams furiously as he falls to the ground in a heap!


You wave your hands, and before you appears a large battlemech.
You climb calmly inside, as An Effigy of Samson watches in disbelief.
Seconds after activating it, you vaporize it with a PPC blast!
An Effigy of Samson screams furiously as it falls to the ground in a heap!

And about 20 others besides.

SuperRabbit is of, oh, late 1996 or early 1997 vintage, by which time Samson and I were running the Kingdom of Graecia to our heart’s content, having ousted all rivals to our claims (in an early, successful attempt at world domination) I’m not really sure how I got associated with rabbits at this late date, but there we are. Also note my Pet Rabbit mob there.

The invention of the squirrel aliens and the lesbian puking sheep are both Cam’s fault, though I suppose I ought to take credit for releasing the squirrel aliens into the wild.

And why squirrel aliens, you ask? What are iguanadons? Because when you’re bored, and it’s 3am, you invent animal-themed spacefaring creatures, and have them fight intergalactic battles with each other in your collective imaginations. Which is, I should note, where the Negative Magnetic Space Wedgy comes from. Who I can’t really describe, save for its being the ultimate embodiment of evil in the universe, and something we spent way too much time toying with. Note the following prog:

>act_prog p has sent a swirling vortex to transport you.
if name($n) == Gormican
chat Insolent pixie bug! For that you shall pay!
mpat gormican mpslay gormican

We had this thing about exploiting the pixies, see. We did those sorts of things, then. As well as, you know, assassinate and slay each other at random. Every so often we did actual work, which back in the day was pretty arduous, involving writing a bunch of text formatted to 80 columns, plus a bunch of numbers that you made by adding a bunch of numbers like 65536 and 2097152 together, and then adding a bunch of tildes and the like. If you did any of this wrong, at best your room or whatever was messed up. Forget a tilde (and there were many), you crashed the entire MUD. Sometimes crashed it dead.

Imagine doing a hundred plus rooms, twenty or thirty mobs, and as many objects. By hand. If it sounds like it sucked, it did (and yet I could somehow write areas that way in a day and not have them crash anyway). When we saw our first OLC/editor system to make the MUD format things for us? We couldn’t believe it. Could not believe it.

We DID walk uphill both ways to school, and you youngsters better realize how easy you have it with your fancy graphical editors.

Which brings us, finally, to world domination. If you said something and mispelled something? You lost it, and everyone would tell you about it.

We all lost it. Repeatedly. You may interpert that as you like.

Alsherok Comments (8) RSS Feed for this post
Comments on Today In History
avatar Comment by Whir #1
January 20, 2006 at 11:22 pm

What? I never lost world domimation!

avatar Comment by Regina #2
January 23, 2006 at 7:19 pm

And this is how I know I’ve known you for four years: I read the phrase “A Lesbian Puking Sheep is sitting here,” and didn’t even blink.

avatar Comment by Dwip #3
January 23, 2006 at 8:37 pm

Management claims no responsibility for the LPS. Blame Cam.

Not that management isn’t to blame for plenty of other things, but that’s a story for another day.

Whir loses WD each and every single day.

avatar Comment by Cam #4
January 24, 2006 at 2:58 pm

Hmm… “Blame Cam”? I don’t think it’s so much of a “blame” thing as it a Bow Down And Grovel To Cam For Inventing These Very Near And Dear Fun Friends(tm) such as the Lesbian Puking Sheep and the Squirrel Alienz. We also must not forget the progs on my very friendly bodyguard Alarial to slay Gormican… a lot. Or the prog to give everyone a renamed amulet of backward speaking and then scatter you when you lost connection in front of her.

And there’s nothing wrong with simulated intergalactic wars waged at 3 am.

avatar Comment by Clyos #5
January 24, 2006 at 3:51 pm

I might also add that Alarial is quite gropable for anyone except me… it’s really quite amusing. Aside from that, Cam is blamed for anything and everything that ever went wrong or was just really f-ing weird.

avatar Comment by Dwip #6
January 24, 2006 at 6:43 pm

I suspect that there are now more Gorm-only progs scattered around than anyone can remember. Truly, we had a thing against pixies. But he sure did walk straight into it.

Burgundy medallions. I think that was about the third thing ever we imported from Shard. Because making linkdead people talk backwards is just that funny.

And yes Cam, we all do blame you. Except people in Monroe, who apparently blame me. And if you got that, I’ll be impressed.

avatar Comment by Regina #7
January 25, 2006 at 3:24 pm

By the way, I am the only angsty teenager in ALL of Livejournal to have “squirrel aliens” listed under interests.

You need to start spreading the revolution here, people.

avatar Comment by Whir #8
January 26, 2006 at 8:00 pm

Uh, spread it yourself.

Obviously they made a bad choice in recruiting you.