It Will Be Epic In the Movie
By Dwip July 2, 2011, 4:43 am Comments (5) RSS Feed for this post

In which I’m going to tell you about the group’s last D&D session, because it continues to both amuse and perplex me greatly.

Our party:

Akuan, a 7+ foot tall goliath barbarian;
Davoren, human farmer priest/wizard of Helm the Watcher;
Gar Rotte, human thief;
Lord X, human paladin of Helm on a religious mission to protect Davoren;
Oscar the Magnicifent, halfling wizard, follower of Talos the Stormlord, and legend in his own mind;
Sancho, elven bard currently following Lord X and taking note of his crazy and somewhat unwise actions.

Our quest:

To find the Holy Grail To infiltrate Hillfort Torbold and discover the whereabouts of the kidnapped Lady Gilda Tanislove. For those of you who actually remember that far back, this is a continuation of my running our heroes through the Slavers modules (A1-A4). This is A2, Secret of the Slaver’s Stockade.

After some fairly routine traveling through nefarious humanoid infested lands (wherein the party only has to kill 20+ kobolds, and Oscar fireballs a group of 30 rather inconveniently placed orcs), the party shows up at the fort, which is a very large stone structure filled with hobgoblins. They ponder this for a while, and Akuan goes to scout out the fort, where he witnesses a slave escaping over the wall. He catches up to her, tackles her so hard she passes out, then takes her back to camp, where Lord X nurses her back to health only to later proposition her for sex [which prediliction is actually in his backstory, and will most certainly come back to haunt him later]. She turns out to be Yvette Tanislove, Gilda’s neice, and tells everyone all about how she escaped from a deserted section of fort that nobody’s watching [this is basically the module as written, except I made the escaped slave a woman for kicks].

Having learned about this excellent and easy way into the heavily guarded fort, the party decides to wait until morning, whereupon:

– Akuan looks himself;
– Davoren and Lord X stay back in camp with Yvette;
– Gar and Sancho disguise themselves as hobgoblins with magic and skill variously;
– Oscar hides in Akuan’s backback.

That done, they decide to act like mercenaries and see if they can bluff their way into the fort. Since they rolled 17s and 18s and I rolled 3s, this wasn’t particularly a problem, and one of the gate guard hobgoblins leads them to go talk to Icar, the head boss. Right outside his door, they quickly kill the hobgoblin, stash him behind the door, then go in.

[If you’ve played the module, they’re in the kitchen at this point. The at the very very end of the fort, through a huge maze of rooms. They’re essentially in the boss fight room]

Since they rolled a lot of 16s and 17s and I was doing lucky to roll a 3, Sancho manages to bluff the hell out of Icar, telling him all about how they were shadowing this party of adventurers who killed some kobolds and orcs (sound familiar?). It includes the following exchange:

*dead hobgoblin collapses, pushing door shut*

All 8 hobgoblins, 3 wereboars, and Icar: *totally fail their spot checks*

Sancho: Boy, sure is windy in here, isn’t it? *rolls gigantic bluff check*

Icar: It sure is. Anyway, what was I saying… *rolls a 2*

After this point, after some ten or so bluff checks wherein Icar shows all the intellectual curiosity and street smarts of a fencepost, he declares that he’ll get some troops right now, and they’ll go deal with these adventurers, and these mercenaries can show him the way. A runner is sent out of the room.

Meanwhile, Oscar has snuck out of the backpack just before they entered Icar’s room, and made his way back to a big room with dozens of slaves in it, wherein he obliterates a hobgoblin with acid, plus a cloaker who was keeping the slaves docile.

Back with Icar, the runner almost immediately sees the dead body, screams a warning, and a fight is joined. There are some 8 hobgoblins and 3 wereboars in the room, and the runner is about to get a couple dozen more hobgoblins. The party is totally outnumbered and they know it. Sancho turns himself invisible immediately and starts escaping. Icar kicks over a huge cask, which rolls into Akuan and Gar, stunning both of them and making them missile targets. Icar then strolls over to Akuan and lays into him with a greatsword, doing grievous damage [I think he was at 1-5 hp at the end of the round]

When they become unstunned the next round, Gar immediately leaps on Akuan’s back, and Akuan, spying a large smoke hole 15 feet up in the ceiling, runs straight past Icar, through the fire, makes an epic leap, grabs the top ledge, and pulls himself and Gar up to the roof in a mighty display. Icar, unimpressed, somehow manages to do the precise same thing, only to get a boot in the face for his troubles [in which Akuan critically hit him with an unarmed strike].

Continuing the escape, Gar somehow manages to hang on while Akuan makes ANOTHER epic leap up to the outer wall of the fort, then makes a THIRD epic leap from there 30 feet out, past the dry moat to the other side. Thanks to his barbarian rage he survives the fall, then takes off running full speed for the undergrowth, Gar hanging on the entire time.

Sancho manages to sneak out while invisible without too much trouble.

Oscar, meanwhile, hears the commotion, decides to look for a spot to hide, but frees the slaves first. Then he starts trying doors. First one is an orc blacksmith, which he shuts. Second one is an orc housewife cleaning. He darts past her and hides under the bed, undeterred by her two cats.

And that’s where we ended. Players, as every DM knows all too well, do the damnedest things.

Dungeons and Dragons Comments (5) Trackback URL for this post RSS Feed for this post
Comments on It Will Be Epic In the Movie
avatar Comment by Samson #2
July 3, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Proof there is no substitute for doing these things live at a table.

avatar Comment by Gormican #3
July 4, 2011 at 12:11 pm

I really want to know why those idiots couldn’t hide the body somewhere not RIGHT BEHIND THE DOOR… know drag it down the hall, store it in a closet something….but no they shove it right behind the door they walked into.

Anyway there was no way I could disguise a 6’7″ guy in shining plate mail with an IQ only slightly higher than his horse and a fat priest whose skills revolve around healing would have helped even less.

avatar Comment by Prettyfly #4
July 5, 2011 at 2:53 am

And I was thinking that the Mothership Zeta Crew quests were crazy…:P

avatar Pingback by The Ravings of Demented Rabbits » Annals of the Realms #5
February 9, 2019 at 8:16 pm

[…] It Will Be Epic In the Movie – The first post from our 2011 continuation of our 2006 game as the party misadventures their way through A2 – Secret of the Slaver’s Stockade. Bluff puppets, doors, and leaps. […]

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