One
By Dwip July 26, 2006 at 9:10 pm Comments Off on One RSS Feed for this post

Ccancho: Like the infamous kancho, only performed with any random handy piece of wood. To quote Carlos, “Man, you just took 7 11/16 inches of hard wood! Disgusting!” I could probably write an entire book about the anal fixation around here, but I don’t think anybody needs to have that much mental scarring. Also, remember kids: Chisels are very sharp, as Shawn found out today. Nice gash across the palm right near four fingers, all the way to the bone. Missed all the tendons. “Damn dude, you got lucky!” says everyone. I’ll stick to trying to cut my fingertips off, thanks.


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Two
By Dwip July 25, 2006 at 7:18 pm Comments (1) RSS Feed for this post

So it turns out that yesterday’s post was Post #500. For whatever that’s worth. As for the obligatory work comments, well. I always think of it like this image here. Whenever we get those big 77 door units with the double arched panels, God just starts preemptively killing kittens. We did two of them today, so you can imagine how that went. Soon, soon, I’ll be leaving…


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Three
By Dwip July 24, 2006 at 6:09 pm Comments (1) RSS Feed for this post

Imagine that you are at work. It is very hot at work. About 100 degrees worth of hot. It has been this hot for about ten hours. Suddenly, you are handed a grape popsicle. It is, by far, the best grape popsicle you have ever had in your life. No other grape popsicle can possible approach the greatness of this grape popsicle. Frozen treats for the win.


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Four
By Dwip July 20, 2006 at 6:19 pm Comments Off on Four RSS Feed for this post

So I was going home yesterday, and I went across the railroad tracks, and I’m most of the way across when I realize the gates are lowering. This is multiple times I have done this now. Without even noticing. Only at CC. Also for today: Times tape balls thrown at: Too many to count Times hit in glasses with tape balls: ~10 Times poked in ass by random objects held by Carlos: Way too many to count Panels sanded: Multiple hundreds Times someone said “fuck”: Numbers do not go that high And a scene from break, wherein we are talking about Phantom Menace: Everyone: Yeah, that movie sucked. It sucked hard. Shanna: Yeah, but at least it had Jar-Jar in […]


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Five
By Dwip July 20, 2006 at 5:44 am Comments Off on Five RSS Feed for this post

Let us just say that I’ll be fortunate to be leaving my job before we get day after day of real bad heat. Because wow does that place suck when it’s hot out.


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Six
By Dwip July 18, 2006 at 8:41 pm Comments Off on Six RSS Feed for this post

For today’s work quote… Me: *placing cut and sanded rails back on cart of rails* Joel: Why can’t you sort those out and put them on the stiles?* Me: Because I’m totally lazy. Joel: Oh! I see why you’re going back to school now! You’re a lazy motherfucker! Brian: Nah, he’s really going back for the sorority chicks! * – Which is what we do, only later. (Management would like to note that yes, it is lazy, and no, not sorority chicks, unless you can somehow find me one that has a brain… Too, this one conversation so perfectly sums up most of what work conversation is about.)


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Seven
By Dwip July 18, 2006 at 5:46 am Comments (2) RSS Feed for this post

On the one hand, getting off from work at 1 is awesome. On the other hand, dentist appointments are not so much. To the tune that I hurt so much, I got home and went to bed at 6, and slept until my normal 5:30 wakeup. Because ow. Those needles are bad news.


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Eight
By Dwip July 13, 2006 at 6:08 pm Comments Off on Eight RSS Feed for this post

So, with reference to this thing I said to Whir a ways back, I totally crit failed on the Train Encounter Table this morning. Me: *driving past side street, sees train* Well, that’s going to be bad. *drives up to intersection* People: Yeah, we’re totally backed up to the intersection from the tracks. Me: Yes, but you will make room for me anyway. Train: Done now, have fun at work. People: Score! *they go* Train #2: Huzzah! Me: Well, we’re all late for work NOW. Train #2: Yes. And just to make sure you are, I’m going to just stop here for a few minutes. People: That’s so totally lame of you, train. Train #2: I know. I’m such a […]


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Nine
By Dwip July 12, 2006 at 6:23 pm Comments (1) RSS Feed for this post

Carlos: “You’ve been lying to me! You ain’t going to Connecticut to go to graduate school, you’re going to Connecticut to be a pimp!” Dammit, he’s on to me. Unfortunately, I’m going to need to invest in some hos. Also a car. I love my car, but pimpmobile it is not. My job is a strange place.


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Ten
By Dwip July 11, 2006 at 9:16 pm Comments Off on Ten RSS Feed for this post

I gave my notice today. Wai~. Quoth Pam today: “It’s this place. It does something to us. I used to be Mary Poppins. Now I’m Mary Poppins on crack.”


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Hard At Work
By Dwip June 22, 2006 at 9:09 pm Comments Off on Hard At Work RSS Feed for this post

Because I totally have nothing better to do at work than think these things up. Seriously. And now, a short play for your entertainment, inspired by the awesome Neal Stephenson book Quicksilver, which I suggest you read, because it’s clever. Very clever. Scene I Cabinet doors shop, afternoon. Loud machinery sounds in the background. KAREN enters from around the Sandmaster. Karen: Rails’re sanded, panels done. Building time draws nigh. Quick, I must away, ‘fore the gluing time approaches, and here come Pam and Erik. Exit KAREN; Enter PAM and Erik, pushing a cart of panels. Pam: But where did Karen go? Erik: Well, it was like this, see… Scene II Cabinet doors shop, afternoon. Oddly quiet. KAREN and ERIK are […]


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Braaaaaaap
By Dwip June 8, 2006 at 6:44 pm Comments (1) RSS Feed for this post

Because you’ve gotta have something to do while sleep-deprived on a 12 hour shift at work, at thinking this up was as good as anything. With profuse apologies to Sam Cooke, but not to the hundreds of bots who died to bring you this: Well don’t you know That’s the sound of the men shooting with the chain gu-u-un That’s the sound of the men shooting with the chain gun All day long they’re shootin’ braaaaaap braaaaaap braaaaaap braaaaaap Well don’t you know That’s the sound of the men shooting with the chain gu-u-un That’s the sound of the men shooting with the chain gun All day long, they shoot so much ’till their Cobra’s goin’ down Shooting up the […]


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Quality Control
By Dwip May 4, 2006 at 6:33 pm Comments (4) RSS Feed for this post

Somebody should name a band that. I dunno why. But yeah. One of the things I love about my job is when I start talking about our quality control and our reject rate. Used to be, and Dad could barely believe himself when I said this, that we’d rebuild probably 2 doors in every 50 or so, which works out to something around 4-5%. Today, by contrast, we built between 110-120 doors, and rebuilt around 20. Which is more like 15-20%. You can only laugh, really.


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Will Work For Humor
By Dwip April 26, 2006 at 7:57 pm Comments (2) RSS Feed for this post

A small sampling of work-related humor. I’d do the large sample, but I can’t really figure out the proper way to describe Joel and Carlos yet. Suffice it to say that Joel has nicknamed me Snake, and delights in yelling it from time to time at me, alternating with maniacal laughter. This is much more amusing than it sounds, even. As to work itself, well, that can be summed up by the fact that in two days we’ve had twenty-eight door rebuilds, mostly in-shop rejects caused by overwork by the understaffed assembly group, made worse by my being hauled off to sanding table for hours and days on end. This is, perhaps, worse than it sounds, and prompts a good […]


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Now Is the Winter Of Our Discontent
By Dwip April 17, 2006 at 6:18 am Comments (4) RSS Feed for this post

Thanks for the title, Will. Most of you have already heard one form or another of this rant, but I need something to talk about, so. I want to talk about Oblivion, but I’d like to finish it first, so. The good thing there is, at the rate I’m playing, that won’t take long. I played, well, all weekend, really. Including about 10 hours after a full day of overtime, which brings us to… …my boss is either retarded, or just flat out isn’t thinking. This became aparent after Wednesday, when, despite not having the two people there who can run one of the most critical machines, we STILL got our two and a half units out the door, which […]


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Your PA Calls Will Be Graded
By Dwip March 2, 2006 at 7:20 pm Comments (4) RSS Feed for this post

With a nod to John Scalzi for having a good title to steal, I will now entertain you with how we entertain ourselves at work. But first, since I need to vent, let’s describe the end of today. So, imagine you have 3 sets of doors, A, B, and C. They are all the exact same, except door B is 1/8″ wider than door A, and C is 1/8″ taller than door A. Given parts to these sets of doors, which turn out not to have been sorted correctly together, make the doors. Yeah, not so easy. Why it was so hard to make them all the same size is beyond me. Now, to add to that, we have this […]


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So we’re all hanging out
By Dwip February 27, 2006 at 6:41 pm Comments Off on So we’re all hanging out RSS Feed for this post

So we’re all hanging out on the MUD… You say ‘So, for today’s humor moment.’ You say ‘We’re all standing around doing work, and over the PA comes “Ron Jeremy, please dial 8130, Ron Jeremy.” about 5 times.’ Whir says ‘ROFL’ Samson says ‘I fail to see the humor’ Whir says ‘For some reason, I’m surprised you know who Ron Jeremey is.’ Whir says ‘Samson, OTOH, obviously doesn’t.’ Samson says ‘because I’m a heathen scum, of course’ Whir says ‘Or you don’t watch porn.’ Samson says ‘As if I care what their names are’ Whir says ‘It’s not that you don’t care what their names are, Mein Furher, it’s that everyone ever has heard of Ron Jeremy.’ Samson says ‘obviously […]


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Life As A Worker Drone
By Dwip February 21, 2006 at 6:17 am Comments Off on Life As A Worker Drone RSS Feed for this post

Give in, give up, turn off, tune out. Go to work. (Actually, I’m off sanding table, and the job appears to be getting better. We’ll see. Will also be getting to the tagboard comments, because I find them interesting, but not yet.)


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Portrait of the Rabbit As A Young Worker
By Dwip February 3, 2006 at 8:00 pm Comments (15) RSS Feed for this post

Click me! Me after a week at work, shown full size for great justice and clarity. Though not enough clarity, because you can’t quite tell that my hair was actually more white than not, being covered in so much sawdust. Also note the faded-looking flannel, which isn’t so much faded as covered in sawdust. Nor can you see my glasses, which are, yes, covered in sawdust. But my hair standing up is accurate. The sanding table has more static electricity than you can possibly imagine. I sure do look like a fool, closing my eyes like that. And yes, the part I hate the most about my job is how I breathe dust all day. There’s lots of other parts […]


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Sympathy For the Working Rabbit
By Dwip January 17, 2006 at 6:19 am Comments Off on Sympathy For the Working Rabbit RSS Feed for this post

Wherein I come home last night, and have the following conversation with Mom: Mom: So, how’re you feeling? Me: Really sore. My hand cramped up for a couple hours, and it really sucked. Mom: At this point, some people would say “Welcome to the real world.” Me: *rather painfully looks up* Say that again and die. Besides, when’s the last time you were standing 10 hour shifts, anyway? Mom: Yeah, well, I put in my years. Me: Uh, no, really. Mom: Well, I didn’t _stand_ 10 hour shifts, exactly… Me: Trust me when I say being able to sit down makes all the difference here. Because, well, it really does. Leg pain for the lose. So if you meet me, […]


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And On the Fifth Day, We Rested
By Dwip January 14, 2006 at 12:06 am Comments (1) RSS Feed for this post

Conversations around the household today: *Morning, as Mom leaves for a day in Eugene* Mom: So, what are you doing today? Me: As little as humanly possible. Mom: I see. *Evening, as Mom returns* Mom: So, what did you do today? Me: I played video games ALL DAY. Later, I will play video games ALL NIGHT. Mom: So you didn’t do anything productive today? Me: Well, I totally saved Tatooine. I’m about to save some Wookies, too. Mom: I see. *Dad enters* Dad: So, did anybody call? Mom: Nope, no messages. Dad: Good. Mom: Tell me about it. *a short pause* Mom: That made us sound really anti-social, didn’t it?


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Skills To Pay The Bills
By Dwip January 3, 2006 at 7:01 pm Comments (8) RSS Feed for this post

I got I got the skills, as it were. Whir can now be placated with a Beastie Boys ref after the Counting Crows song quote. Or I could bust out Mom’s N’Sync CD and watch his ears bleed. However, since that would make MY ears bleed…no. Anyway. Let us begin with a picture. This is not, I assure you, the sort of New Year’s resolution I intended. But that new job I mentioned requires it for the respirator mask, so there you go. It feels decidedly odd, yet strangely familiar. I wish I could show you a picture of said respirator mask, because, as the guy sitting next to me in orientation said, “Hey, now we get to look like […]


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